THE "LOVE PROBLEM"

(Written April 20, 2010)

Introduction

Last week we looked at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and saw that Jesus' life provides the perfect example of the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. This week, we are going to shine the light of God's word on our lives. First, I will invite you to take a test. Then we will investigate the root of the problem and its solution.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: (4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The Test

First we are going to examine our lives against the standard of love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. To do this, try the following exercise: In this week's Scripture, insert your name in place of the word “love.” For me this would read: “Lara is patient, Lara is kind. Lara does not envy... Lara is not rude...” (...And now, Lara is a liar...)

ccc How did you do? If we are honest with ourselves, I think we can all admit that we do not live up to the standard of love described in this passage of Scripture. The discrepancy between the way we live our lives and the description of love in this passage can be striking. So, why don't we love others as we ought? In the next section of this devotion, we will investigate the answer to this question in order to find the root of the problem.

Impatience, Irritation, & Rudeness

Love is patient. Hate is impatient... Consider the following scenario: You are standing in line at the coffee shop and the person in front of you is asking all kinds of questions about the different menu items. From their questions, it is clear to you that they have no idea what they want to order. You begin to think to yourself, “If I had been first I would've been done by now... If they don't know what they want, maybe they should step aside and let someone else order...” These thoughts result from an attitude of impatience and irritation and, if acted upon, would result in a response that was rude rather than kind. The underlying sentiment of impatience is that “My time is more valuable than your time.” Whenever we are impatient, we are more concerned with our own needs & desires than the needs & desires of the other person—and many times our two separate needs & desires are at odds with one another. When we are impatient, unkind, easily-angered, or rude we are self-centered (self-seeking).

Pride, Boasting, & Envy

Love is not proud—it does not envy or boast. What does it mean to be proud? It means having an inflated view of oneself. If you are proud, you view yourself more highly than you ought, and you boast about your great qualities to anyone who will listen. (Humility is the opposite of pride.) If you are proud, you look down upon others... What is envy? Envy (or jealousy) is hatred of others who have qualities or possessions that you desire. Consider the following example of what envy can cause someone to do (Genesis 4:1-8): “Eve... became pregnant and gave birth to Cain... Later she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the LORD said to Cain, 'Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.' Now Cain said to his brother Abel, 'Let's go out to the field.' And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him...”

ccc Why did Cain kill Abel? Because he was jealous! Abel's gift to God was motivated by love; Cain's gift was motivated by obligation. Abel's gift to God was whole-hearted, whereas Cain's gift was half-hearted. Cain could have given God a better gift. Instead, because of his envy, he killed his brother Abel for out-giving him... Pride and envy both focus on “self”: I am better than you... I deserve to have what you have. Pride and envy are self-centered emotions.

Selfishness—the Root of the Problem

Hopefully you are beginning to see the thread that ties all of these things (impatience, unkindness, pride, envy, rudeness, etc) together. All of these things are the result of self-centered living. A person cannot love without relating to other people, so it makes sense that a self-centered person cannot truly love others. The opposite of being self-centered is being God- and others-centered—the opposite of self-centered living is being loving.

Conflicting Messages

These days, the world is teaching us to believe in the survival of the fittest, where everyone fends for themselves. If we believe what the world believes, we have no reason to try and overcome our selfishness. To the world, selfishness is natural and normal—a side effect of evolution. But the Bible says that we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), and that “God is love” and “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:8, 4:16, and 4:19). C.S. Lewis explains that “our thinking can succeed only because it is a drop out of the ocean of [God's] intelligence.” In the same way, we are only capable of loving others because we are made in the image of a loving God. Even those who do not believe in God are capable of loving others because they too are made in His image.

ccc Let me reiterate the difference between the message of the world and the message from God. The message of the world is that he who puts himself first will be first. The message of Jesus is that he who is last shall be first: “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man [Jesus] did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:25-28).

ccc And again, in Luke 17:33, Jesus says, “Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.” (See also Matthew 10:38-39, 16:24-25, Mark 8:34-38, Luke 9:23-26, 14:26-27, and John 12:25.) What does it mean to “keep” or “lose” your life? I believe to “keep” your life means to keep it for yourself (see the context of Mark 8:34-38, for example) and to “lose” your life means to give it to God (and therefore to others). “And [Jesus] died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again” (2 Corinthians 5:15).

ccc Since God created us, our lives are His, whether we know it or not. Even so, God gives us the choice to either live our earthly lives for ourselves or for Him (and others). However, if we live our lives for ourselves—not recognizing the sacrifice that Jesus made for us—then we will forfeit the free gift of eternal life that we might also have had through the grace of God. As the Bible says (Mark 8:36): “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?”

Solving the “Love Problem”

Therefore, since God is both the source of love and our model to follow, the solution to our “love problem” is to draw closer to Him. If we truly want to know how to love, we must look to God/Jesus. This is not a passive looking, but rather, God says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). In other words, only the true seeker will find God. If we are truly seeking God we will read His word, try to obey His commands, and pray for His help and guidance—we will live our lives for Him.

Final Thoughts

If the world and life came about by natural forces, and there is no God, why on earth do we love one another at all? To me, the presence of love in the world proves the existence of God. Love—especially the completely self-sacrificing love displayed by Jesus—is anything but “natural.” Instead, it is divine.

ccc This week I hope you will join me in seeking God and looking to Jesus as an example of how to love. Like Paul, I pray “that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17-19).